Better Life Habits

21 Day Myth Busted!

Thanks to Twitter I learned about a very informative post on the very topic I wrote about earlier this week. Stephen Smith did the background research and found that, yes indeed, there is no (save for one very specific experiment) research to back up the idea that it takes 21 days to develop a new habit.

While I was at it I Googled the subject and found many many other posts on both sides of the fence. Though I must add that most of the links supporting the idea that it can be done were selling a program on how to do it!

I don't know about you but I feel lots better with the knowledge that this old saw can be moved to the trash heap.

Stephen Smith's post from Productivity in Context is well researched and has some great tips if you do indeed want to change some habits. And who doesn't? Check it out. http://bit.ly/xuChM

Is "21 Days to Develop a New Habit" Nonsense?

I, like thousands of other folks, have spent years spouting this fact in casual conversation and as part of speeches and articles. I've never done any actual research on that particular notion but if I were to use personal and client experiences as evidence, I'd have to say that there's not much to support the theory.

In refuting the old saw, it helps to first agree on the definition of habit, which according to www.dictionary.com is "an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary."

I've exercised pretty regularly for years and yet I'd hardly call the effort to get out the door "almost Involuntary." Putting on the seat belt is a habit. Checking the Blackberry is a habit and the internal debate rages on whether that's good or not so good. (Calling it "bad" is just too downright negative.)

Perhaps a more realistic name for this blog would be BetterLifeThingsToTryToDoOnARegularBasis -- which is a more accurate descriptor. Or maybe I just haven't been at some of these things long enough. When I'm 90 that exercise thing is totally going to be a HABIT.

As usual I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Do you have a real life example of a habit you developed in 21 days? Is it nonsense? What say you?

Why do you Twitter?

In the last two posts I've talked about how, if you are goiing to Twitter, you need to shedule that time into your day. Today's post talks about why you might want to consider spending time on Twitter.

And, I don't have an answer for that, because it comes from you. Here, based on what I've seen are some of the reasons people use Twitter...

1. To meet interesting people they may not have known about in any other way

2. To have a place to share thoughts, ideas or information

3. To sell whatever it is they have to offer

4. To learn things from resources they may not have known about

5. To get feedback about products they may want to try

To get dates

Now, for the purposes of this blog I'm not going to spend time discussing which reasons are socially acceptable and which ones are not. (But I will say that if you don't recognize two of those as pretty much unacceptable, you could possibly be an offender.)

My point is this: If you don't know what you want to achieve with your time on Twitter, how will you know if you are getting there?

Think carefully about what you want to accomplish before you devote lots of time. Twitter time is not a waste unless you have no idea why you are doing it. Be thoughtful. Be purposeful. Be aware of how you are spending your time.

Track your time on Twitter

Yesterday's post offered a suggestion about how to handle the sheer volume of information that comes your way via Twitter. Today's post addresses how much time you spend on Twitter.

Have you ever sat down at the computer first thing in the morning, started handling e-mail and soon found yourself caught up in surfing the web? You're going along reading an e-mail and there's either a link in the e-mail or it spurs a thought that sends you out to Google or a particular site. If we're not focusing on what we're doing an hour or more can go by before we realize we should have spending time on other tasks.

Be careful of falling into the same time crunch with Twitter. Some posts are simply statements, comments on other Tweets or inspirational quotes. But many Tweets have a URL embedded in the message -- links that take you to helpful articles, funny or instructional videos, interesting or beautiful photographs. If you're interested in the Twitter-er, you stand a strong chance of being interested in the information provided in the link.

So it's important to be purposeful when you sit down to spend time on Twitter. Depending upon why you Twitter -- a subject that will be covered in tomorrow's post -- you need to plan how much time you'll be spending on it each day. Whether it's five minutes, 30 minutes or two hours, know what you have scheduled and stick to it as much as possible.

It's certainly OK to veer from your planned amount of Twitter time, the important thing is to make the choice to do so instead of getting distracted and inadvertently messing up the rest of your workday.

Twitter teaches unexpected lessons.

Twitter is a fascinating phenomenon and I'm on the bandwagon. I started once and soon quit because it seemed too overwhelming. A few months later I tried again and this time took careful notice of what was so daunting the first time.

For anyone who already feels overwhelmed by e-mail you've got to get your head in the right place before you getting into Twitter in a significant way. I don't know anyone who has every Twitter post come directly to their e-mail, so it won't increase the traffic in your regular in-box. Your Twitter homepage is essentially an entirely new, separate in-box where you see messages posted by people you follow.

Speaking of volume, think of it this way. Perhaps you're following 100 people, which is a conservative number based on what I have seen out there. Let's just say that each person you are following posts 3 Tweets a day (that's a 140-character message). Some folks post very little, but some people post a dozen or more each day, so 3 Tweets per day per person is another conservative estimate. That's 300 messages a day to read!

It's mind boggling that in this day of already being overcommitted and stressed -- and I hear almost daily that e-mail is one of the things that creates the most stress -- we would proactively take on another activity that could consume even more of our limited time. But before you throw your hands up and conclude that Twitter is not for you, there is a way to make it a very positive, worthwhile experience and not let it get out of hand. Each day this week I will post another tip here that will help you make your Twitter experience a positive one.

Tip #1

You're not going to be able to read every Tweet that is posted by the people you follow. Get over it. Do you make it habit of reading every page of every magazine or newspaper that you receive? Unlikely.

Yesterday was Father's Day so most of the day was spent with family. I checked Twitter a couple of times and read a few posts. There were some nice ones about expressing appreciation for the Dads in our lives and many unrelated to the holiday. For me, yesterday wasn't a day I wanted to spend a lot of time immersed in the internet. (Please note: I make absolutely no judgment about any folks who wanted to do so.) This means that if I wanted to read ever post I receive, I'd have 600 to read today. It's not going to happen.

Turns out today is pretty busy as well. So not only will I not read 600, I probably won't read all 300 new messages that come in. You might ask, "Why do you follow people if you're not going to read all the messages?"  Fair question.

In just a month or so I've learned about many extremely bright, interesting, funny, talented people that I never knew existed. By following them I get the opportunity to connect with them, learn about them and learn from them. And if they follow me, I have the chance to share ideas, opinions and messages with them that may bring something of value into their lives. And that's pretty cool.

So I won't be catching every interesting message but I know the ones I do catch are adding some real value to my life.

More tomorrow...

Sweet sweet success!

 The first of May I committed to giving up sugar (cookies, candy, cake, pie, ice cream, and the like) for 30 days. Last night at 10:00 p.m. that goal was accomplished. Big deal? Maybe not, but I learned a few things along the way that relate to making other kinds of changes. Changes that many of us struggle with as we try to create new and better habits.

It was a very small change. I know that sugar is hidden in a lot of things and I didn't start reading every label to make certain no sugar of any kind was in the ingredients. I cut out the obvious stuff like what is mentioned above. Also, no stealing bowls of my son's Lucky Charms. Though they are not technically a dessert, calling them anything other than a "sweet" would be pushing it. So it was a manageable change, not something that was going to require massive amounts of new behavior. If you have a new habit you want to create, start very small.

I had good substitutes readily available. I ate more than my fair share of grapes, apples, oranges, and berries -- all natural alternatives to sweets. When temptation hits have a plan for how you are going to address it. In this case I just needed to grab for an alternative sweet. If you are trying to eat more vegetables, have prepared ones ready. If you are trying to stop procrastinating, have one small task you can complete quickly to get yourself in motion.

I had good people around me when I started to weaken. On two occasions I almost caved but one time I had a friend, Terry Honeyball, to talk me out of that unbelievably delicious-looking piece of cake and another time my brother Kevin coached me through a rough spot. It's really important to have people around who will help you when your own resolve starts to wane.

People who tempted me earned my contempt (at least in the short term). When people said "this doesn't really count as a sweet" or "I won't tell anyone you had this one bite" it made me realize that tempting me was more about them than me. If I failed at it, perhaps they could feel better about their own doubts about themselves. So I'm rather joking when I say they earned my contempt, but it did strengthen my resolve. Do not listen to the people who say you'll fail or follow those who want to put you on that path.

The goal had an end. 30 days was difficult but do-able. Sure it was all or nothing but it was only for 30 days. Starting out telling yourself you are making a change "forever" is so daunting. Even saying you'll make the change for a year is overwhelming. Look at how many New Years Resolutions fail! Small steps will get you where you want to be.

Focus.  On one occasion I literally had to tell myself every few minutes to "avoid the ice cream for just the next minute." It looked so good!! Focusing on the goal, (I was 10 days into it at the time and didn't want to start over) made the difference. Get quiet and focus. Clear your head and focus. Breathe and focus.

30 days is enough time for something to become a habit. Even though I plan to eat sweets again, I doubt I'll go back to the mindless munching that prompted this effort in the first place. My brain is different and therefore my habit is different.

Whatever it is you want to accomplish, you can do it. When I look back, it doesn't seem like it was such a long time. The time went by and soon the goal was met. The next 30 days is going to fly by whether you choose to spend it changing a habit or not. But how cool would it be if you could share your success story on July 1st?!

A True Tale of Multitasking

  I decided to order a book on Amazon but wanted to make certain the paperback and hardcover editions were the same. Unsure of whether the paperback edition also included the CD, I assumed checking the ISBN number might help and so went upstairs to get the book. Thinking that perhaps the CD would have it's own ISBN I decided to check and found that the CD wasn’t in the book anymore so I went back upstairs to get it. CD now in hand I tried to burn a copy of the CD in the event the paperback didn’t come with the CD. I made a couple of attempts through iTunes and it didn’t copy successfully so I tried it through Roxio. But before I could try it I had to register the Roxio software -- which I did.  That method didn’t work either so I went back to Amazon to look carefully at the information. This time I felt reasonably assured that the paperback comes with the CD so I added it to my shopping cart. I noticed that my husband had some stuff in the shopping cart and decided to ask him if he wanted me to go ahead and buy his items, too. But when I reached over to pick up my landline handset it wasn’t there. So I went into the kitchen where I had left it after a conference call. While there I nuked a cup of coffee and got an idea for an e-zine post. Motivated to get the thought down before I lost it I came back into my office with the coffee but without the phone and sat down to my computer. But having just changed e-zine software I had to look up my login. While I was looking for that login I glimpsed another login that reminded me that I needed to cancel a credit card that was attached to an automatic invoice from my domain name provider. I made a note to do so and then went through a tutorial or two for the new e-zine software. I started to create the template and realized new photos would be nice so did a Google search on where I might find good free photos. I found iStockPhoto and some good images which I downloaded to My Pictures. I then had to upload the photo to the e-zine site but realized during my photo search I had navigated away from my e-zine software url. I hit the “back” button but doing so took me not to my e-zine site but to Amazon and the photo of the book I was going to order. I realized I needed to call my husband about whether he wanted me to order the stuff he had in the shopping cart so I reached over to pick up the phone, which still wasn’t there and…

 

You can imagine how the rest of this goes. I tell this story on myself for three reasons.

 

1. Multitasking happens to everyone -- even people like me who spend a significant amount of time harping on people to stop it.
2. It's mind-bogglingly dumb to think we are getting things done more efficiently by doing them this way. That whole scenario took about 40 minutes and I finished not one thing. Not. One.
3. Multitasking is a bad habit we can stop by reminding ourselves to slow down and focus.

Here are some ways to remember to slow down, focus and work on one thing at a time.

1. Talk to yourself. Remind yourself out loud to finish one task.
2. Put a note with the word "focus" or "one thing at a time" somewhere you will see it throughout the day. Perhaps on sticky note on the the perimeter of your computer screen, or on a bright 3x5 card.
3. Pick an object, like a paperweight, stone, or small knick knack and every time you look at it think of focusing on one thing at a time.
4. Get a MotivAider, and use the vibration of it to do a self-check on whether you are focusing or multitasking.

Most of us know multitasking isn't a good thing but often we do it out of habit. The ideas above are simply cueing devices to remind ourselves of the new behavior we want to do.

The world isn't going to slow down for us so we have to get better at slowing ourselves down in the face of a million things to do.  Get comfortable with the idea that there are always going to be a million things to do and doing more than one of them at a time isn't going to shorten the list. It's just going to make us feel frantic and overwhelmed.

Now excuse me while I go place that order, or call my husband, or.....

Breaking the Sugar (or any other) Habit

Friday, May 1 at 10:00 p.m. I decided to give up sugar. I had just raided my son's gallon Ziploc bag and downed a few Smarties and some Hershey's kisses. There may have been more but I stopped paying attention to the wrappers. And the fact that I was doing that very thing at that time of the night was the reason I decided I had to lay off the stuff. Partially for health reasons and partially just to see if I can.

So it's been 10 days and I haven't stumbled once. Not even an Atomic Fireball. I think I know why it's working and I believe that these same ideas can help a person work on changing other habits.

• Set a time limit. Mine is 30 days. Then, if I want to, I can go back to eating whatever I want. Saying that this is a forever decision is too daunting. I'm just doing it for now.

• Take one challenge at a time. Yesterday at my mom's celebrating Mother's Day she had an ice cream sundae bar. I REALLY wanted some ice cream with caramel sauce. But I took it one minute at a time. I got a really good cup of coffee and savored it. Just one minute at a time the decision was made not to have the ice cream. Pretty soon it was being put away and the temptation was gone. When you're challenged, break temptation down into the smallest possible successes and build on it.

• Make it reasonable. In this case giving up sugar means cookies, candy, cake, pie, cinnamon bread, ice cream and the like. Fake sugar is also banned for the time being. However I have consumed food where sugar is an ingredient -- like in prepared spaghetti sauce. I had a couple of margaritas at a party and I'm sure there is sugar in that mix. The list of things I'm giving up is easy to manage and do-able, it's not over the top. Striving for perfection can lead to an all or nothing way of thinking. "I had a margarita so I may as well eat that sleeve of Thin Mints." Start small and manageable.

• Tell someone about your effort. People who believe in you will help you succeed. People who don't believe you can do it will inspire you to prove them wrong!

These strategies also work if you're trying to create a new habit, like starting to exercise program, or getting better organized. If you try them, I'd like to hear how these strategies work for you. And if you have others post them here.

Interview with The Nametag Guy

I recently had the chance to ask Scott Ginsberg, world authority on how to be more approachable, a few questions.

  This is Scott.

Q. You’ve made a name for yourself being the “Nametag Guy”. In fact sometimes when I share a great idea I heard from Scott Ginsberg I’ll add, “You know, The Nametag Guy,” and the recognition is instant. How many days have you been wearing a nametag now?

A. 3,053 days! (9 years)

Q. I understand you have a new book coming out. What’s it called and what’s it about?

A. STICK YOURSELF OUT THERE. It's about how to get noticed, get remembered and GET business. Also how to attract more opportunities and clients into your life. 

Q. You’ve written a number of books, what new ideas can readers familiar with your previous work expect?

A. If all seven of my previous books got married, then had a child, and that child was fed steroids, that would be my new book.

Q. Who should read this book?

A. Entrepreneurs and small business owners or solo-preneurs.

Q. Where can people get a copy?

A. Amazon or www.nametagTV.com 

Q. Other than wear a nametag, what’s one thing everyone can do to be more approachable?

A. More approachable is something that comes from your core. Being cool with who you are as a person and willing to be open and vulnerable to the world around you. You don't need a nametag.

Q. Social networking sites are great ways to be more approachable – and you’re the expert there. So what do you think about connecting with people you don’t really know, but have mutual connections? Do you do it?

A. Facebook is great, Twitter is great. You just need pick your social networking wisely. Don't spread yourself too thin.

Q. Anything else you’d like to share?

A. I'd like to share this acronym I've developed: SOFAT. Create a product that people can (S)tumble upon, (O)bsess over, (F)all in love with, become (A)ddicted to and (T)ell their friends about.

Q. One more question. Did the tattoo hurt? (Scott has a nametag tattooed on his chest.)

A. It hurt like hell. Imagine getting 1000 shots for an hour.

 

Octomom: Bad mother or just bad planning?

All of the furor about the Octomom has recently turned to accusations that she is a bad mom. My opinion is that it was extremely bad judgment to have any more children given the number that she already had, her financial situation and her inability to care for them without extensive outside help. However, I don't know that she is a bad mother to her children.

It occurred to me that this situation is a metaphor for good businesspeople who take on too much with the misguided idea that they can do it all. Does it mean they are bad at their job? Not usually.

Ambitious people say "yes" a lot. The drive to do more and be more may be admirable, but doing more and being more takes time, and activities dumped into an already full schedule set us up for overhwhelm, stress and unmet expectations.

Make conscious decisions about what you take on. Be deliberate about how you spend your time. The Octomom is responsible for 14 children and there's no going back. Even she has admitted she wishes she had thought it through more thoroughly.

Fortunately, when it comes to managing our schedules we can rethink the choices we make and adjust accordingly. And so we should.